A Letter From Mama

Even when he's crying he's adorable to me!

Reading with Tia Monica


Dear Brody,

There are so many things I want to say to you that I know you will not understand right now. My fear is that as you get older, and more kids come into our family, I will forget how I feel at this moment, and every moment I hold you. I hope that I will not let the everyday buzz of life get in the way, but just in case, I need to write you this letter.

First of all I need to say I love you. But those three words have never before meant what they mean when I say them to you. I knew before you were even conceived that I would love you with all my heart. However I don't think anyone who is not a parent can truly understand the intensity of loving your child. I can say with complete conviction that I would give my life for you, and there is nothing in the world that I wouldn't do for you. The love I have for you is so different from any other love I've experienced in my life, and so intense that at times it takes my breath away.

Someone recently asked me what surprised me the most about being a mother, and without hesitation I knew the answer was the vulnerability that comes with loving your child. It is both scary and wonderful at the same time and I wouldn't trade it for the world. Now the other thing that surprised me the most about being a mother is just how little sleep I am able to function on!

I'm sure your daddy is reading this and questioning my love for him, but it's just different, and I know he feels the same way about you. The happiest day of our lives was the day we brought you home from the hospital. Your dad surprised me by decorating the entire house for you. In window paint across the front window of our house he wrote "Welcome Home Brody!" The whole neighborhood knew you were here! He tied balloons to the front rail, he bought me flowers, and he had a table full of toys waiting for you. It was the happiest I've ever seen him!

I spent most of my life preparing for a career in classical singing. I went through the paces always knowing in the back of my mind that I was conflicted. The truth is, it is a very self-absorbed career and I knew I wanted to have a family more than anything. I battled with the idea of having both and how I would balance that because honestly, it was more important to me to be a great mother than have a decent career. When I decided to quit pursuing a music career after a couple years of moderate success, I struggled with how I would explain this to you. I don't ever want to set an example that quitting is okay. I finally realized last night as I was singing you off to a deep and sweet slumber, that I didn't quit. I will always sing, be it in the car, in the shower, or -my favorite- to you. I made the decision to employ my voice to you. Maybe that sounds silly but I believe it is one of the most important and meaningful gigs I've ever had!

Your dad and I have a sneaking suspicion that you might have inherited this talent because when you are awake, there isn't a silent moment in this house. You have the lungs of a singer and our only wonder is whether you will be a tenor or a baritone; at the present moment you are without a doubt a soprano.

So my beautiful, sweet Brodes, this letter is a special gift for you because you are my first born. Your daddy and I always contemplate your significance in this family as our oldest child (of four as currently planned!). In the short seven months you have been here, you have proven to be worthy of that role as you are a brave, strong, and (mostly) patient little man. My hope is that we will provide you with the proper tools and skills to become happy and successful in life. Whether that be a happy and successful waiter, accountant, or American Idol winner, is entirely up to you.

All My Love,
Mama

1/20/10 T-Minus Two Days!!!

Beau comes home on Friday!!! Beau comes home on Friday!!! To say I am excited is an understatement. I am ecstatic! Beau has been in China since the 10th of the month and it has been very difficult to be apart this time. Luckily we've been able to Skype almost every day. When I was younger, my dad used to travel for his job to the Middle East for 6 weeks at a time. It was so hard on my mother; with today's technologies it's hard to imagine how heartbreaking it must have been for her to not be able to hear his voice but once a week at most, when he was able to call.
At any rate, we are very excited for his return. While I thoroughly enjoy attempting to compose rounded prose, this week I am going to bullet point Brody topics in an effort to cover a few items:

• In the time that Beau's been gone Brody and I have kept busy! I took Brody to two different infant music classes, one of which is a Spanish immersion class. This class was lead entirely in Spanish and it was so amazing to see some of the emerging talkers in the class understanding and even speaking Spanish while in the class. Afterward I had a conversation with the instructor - a very sweet woman named Maria - and she was extremely impressed with Brody (who can blame her!). She said she couldn't believe how alert he was for 6 months (he LOVED squealing along with each song), and he watched her every move throughout the entire 45 minutes class. He was completely engaged! Ms. Maria also couldn't believe he was only 6 months. Upon entering the classroom, she said she had assumed he was nearing a year and it wasn't until he started interacting that she realized he was younger. What is it about having a BIG baby that makes a mama proud? I just love it!

• Brody has been eating solids like a pro! He just loves all the new tastes and has learned when mama pulls out the bright colored plastic bowl, food is coming. I have to now fix his food in a separate bowl, and transfer it into the baby bowl at the last minute because the minute he sees that baby bowl, he starts moaning and reaching for the dish. I just love seeing him understanding and comprehending what is going on around him.

• One other development that just warms my heart: he smiles at the dog. Any time she enters the room and he looks at her, he just lights up and smiles at her. And Mina adores him just as well. It's such a sweet thing to see.

• Recently I have noticed that when he wants to nurse, he makes the following sound: "mamamamamamamamamamamama!" It's so cute to me! I love the feeling of being called on by him, even if he is ever demanding!

Being a mother is certainly exciting. I feel like every day Brody teaches me something new about myself, and watching him grow and develop is completely wonderful. At the same time, his growth comes with a certain bittersweet taste. While I love watching him grow, I also mourn the loss of dependency, however small.

01/12/09 Brody Photos

Bloggity Blah Blah Blah

So here we are...officially Bloggers. Oy. I vehemently maintained my adversity to social networking and the like for a very long time. Those of you who are my Facebook friends are laughing now; as you know I am now a FB junkie!
When Friendster came along (how many people remember that?!?!?), it took quite awhile for me to grasp this concept. What? Online networking? Is this a pseudo-dating site? Finally I succumbed to the glamour of online socializing, and soon began to appreciate this new way of connecting with old friends.
However, just as I began appreciating this new venue, buzz about a NEW and IMPROVED site came along called MySpace. I resisted. My opposition was deeply rooted and I was going to stand my ground. Until, that is, everyone left me barren and alone on Friendster! So, I gave in, AGAIN. I put in many hours glamorizing my MySpace page, and learned to love the new found art of cyber bedazzling.
Sure enough, just as I was becoming comfortable with copying and pasting html links onto my profile to create the most vibrant backdrop for my page, I started to hear the buzz about this new networking site called FaceBook. Immediately, I said, "NO." I didn't want to give up my lavendar, polka-dot clad backdrop for the "poking" and "bumper stickers" of FaceBook. Yet being the pushover I am, I caved.
Blogging however, was where I drew the line. No way, no how. Who on earth cares enough about my life to read a quasi-auto-biography citing my daily encounters? (Okay in retrospect, I bet that would have been a great vehicle for all of our crazy San Francisco Tenderloin stories.)
At any rate, as you can see plainly, I caved. Again.
But this time it's not about my own personal gain. This time, it actually makes sense. I am doing this for the people! The people, who I refer to as: The Brody Fans.
Every week I send out a handful of new Brody photos in an e-mail to a distribution list I created after my little nugget was born. I decided blogging will be a much more fun way of doing this, and in addition, it is an easy way for everyone to look at Brody pics without having to download them onto your computer.
This is my introduction to the site. Please feel free to offer suggestions and comments. I will try and post at least once a week; hopefully more. For now, I leave you with a photo of Brody, and this promise:
I WILL NOT GET ON TWITTER.